《柑橘與檸檬啊》[32句]
從出生開始,我們都擁有一顆童真的心。在時光里摸爬滾打,不知道什麼時候長大了。只是面對災難,選擇接受並且堅強地活下去。
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判斷一個人是不是英雄,不應該看他願不願意拿自己的生命來博,而是應該看到別人都在驚慌無措甚至做出錯誤決定時,他是不是能保持鎮定。
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當我望著美麗而廣大無邊的星空時,我幾乎就要相信天堂的存在了。
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I keep checking the time. I promised myself I wouldn't, but I can't seem to help myself. Each time I do it, I put the watch to my ear and listen for the tick. It's still here, softly slicing away the seconds, then the minutes, then the hours. It tells me there are three hours and forty-six minutes left. Charlie told me once
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我最害怕、最厭惡的聲音並不是爆炸,因為爆炸代表結束,你要不是死了就是沒死。最恐怖的聲音,當屬炮彈劃過天際時刺耳如笛的墜落聲,因為你不知道它會在哪兒落地,你也不知道這炮彈是不是沖著你而來。
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After that no more was ever said between us about Molly. I never asked because I didn't want to know. I didn't want even to think about it, but I did. I thought about nothing else.
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I wanted us to be a threesome again, for everything to be just as it had been. But nothing stays the same. I learnt that then. I know that now.
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As I watched them I felt a sudden ache in my heart. I don't think it was anger or jealousy, more a pang of loss, of deep grief.
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I had known Anna only from a few laughing words, from the light in her eyes, a touch of hands and a fleeting kiss, but I felt an ache inside me such as I had no felt since I was a child, since my father's death.
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It was a world I could not be part of, a world I did not belong in.
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Molly told us once that she wanted to die right there and then, that she never wanted tomorrow to come because no tomorrow could ever be as good as today.
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We knew each other so well. We never argued, not really; perhaps it was because neither of us wanted to hurt the other. We both knew enough hurt had done already, that more would only widen the rift between us and neither of us wanted that.
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A Hun in a gas mask is standing over me, his rifle aimed at my head. I have no rifle. It is the end. I braced myself, but he does not fire. He lowers his rifle slowly. "Go boy," he says, waving me away with his rifle. "Go. Tommy, go."
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Tonight I want very much to believe there's a heaven, that, as Father said, there is a new life after death, that death is not a full stop, and that we will all see one another again.
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But, as I lay awake at nights, that was not what troubled me most. In the next room slept the two people I most loved in all the world who, in finding each other, had deserted me. Sometimes, in the dead of night, I thought of them lying in each other's arms and I wanted to hate them. But I couldn't. All I knew was that I
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There is the beginning of day in the night sky, not yet the pale light of dawn, but night is certainly losing its darkness. A cockerel sounds his morning call, and tells me what I already know but do not want to believe, that morning will break, and soon.
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If I had a coin in my pocket, I'd turn it over and make a wish. When I was young I really believed in all those old tales. I wish I still could believe in them.
But I mustn't think like that. It's not good wishing for the moon, no good wishing for the impossible. Don't wish,Tommo. Remember. Remembrances are real.
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I know that this morning is not the beginning of anything—not new and exciting as Mother says it is—but rather the end of my beginning. Clinging on round Charlie's neck I know that I am living the last moments of my carefree time, that I will not be the same person when I come home this afternoon.
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The truth was that I wasn't sure I wasn't, and I needed to find out.
I had to prove myself. I had to prove myself to myself.
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They've gone now, and I'm alone at last. I have the whole night ahead of me, and I won't waste a single moment of it. I shadn't sleep it away. I won't dream it away either. I mustn't, because every moment of it will be far too precious.
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I learned soon enough that if you don't want to get hurt you keep your head down and you don't answer back, particularly if the other fellow is bigger. But one day I discovered that sometimes you've got to stand up for yourself and fight for what's right, even you don't want to.
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I remember I used to have nightmares filled with those monster children, but whatever my nightmare it would always end the same way. I would be out in the woods with Father and the tree would be falling, and I'd wake up screaming. Then Charlie would be there beside me, and everything would be all right again. Charlie always
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"Crying won't do your laces up, you know," Miss McAllister says.
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"Can't is not a word we use in my class, Thomas Peaceful," she says."We shall just have to teach you to tie your boot-laces. That's why we are all here for, Thomas, to learn. That's why we come to school, don't we?"
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"They say we'll always be together, the three of us, for ever and ever. They say that as long as we stick together we'll be lucky and happy." Then she smiled at us."And the stones never lie," she said."So you're stuck with me."
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I want to try to remember everything, just as it was, just as it happened. I've had nearly eighteen years of yesterdays and tomorrows, and tonight I must remember as many of them as I can. I want tonight to be long, as long as my life, not filled with fleeting dreams that rush me on towards dawn.
Tonight, more than any oth
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一場規模浩大的戰爭與一次純粹的個體事件相提並論。而一戰以後的人們則是在各種災難和危機中成長起來,戰爭的可能性始終存在,幾乎每天都會爆發。惟其如此,突如其來的一戰對毫無准備的人們所產生的震動和摧毀應是空前的,本雅明准確地概括過這一點,“曾坐著馬車去上學的那一代人面對著自由天空下的風景:除了天上的云彩,一切都變了,在這一風景的中央,在毀滅和爆炸的洪流立場中,是微不足道的衰弱人體。”
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墓園里有好幾個最近才挖的墓穴,但其中只有一個是剛安葬好的,上頭插滿了鮮花。我認識的安娜,不過是她的幾聲笑語、她眼中的神韻、偶然碰觸到的指尖,和短暫的親吻而已,但我內心所感受到的痛楚,卻是自爸爸去世以來沒有過的。我抬頭望著有如黑暗的箭刺向明月的教堂尖塔,盡最大的力量去相信她正活在那片無窮的星空里,那座主日學校里教的天堂,和大個兒喬眼中的快樂天堂,但是我怎麼也無法相信這些說法,我知道她正躺在我腳下這方寒冷的泥土里。我跪下來親吻土地,感覺到她的存在。高掛在空中的月亮,透過樹林緊跟著我,幫我照亮回到營區的路。
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他閉上眼睛,他開始輕柔地唱起歌來。“柑橘與檸檬啊,聖克雷蒙的鍾聲說。”我輕聲地跟著他唱和。我聽到連發子彈的回音,結束了,隨著那連發的子彈聲,我心中的某部分也與查理一同死去。我轉身走回谷倉,重回孤獨,而我發現在憂傷中的我一點都不寂寞。士兵們一個個立正站在帳篷前,而鳥兒也正在歌唱。
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我不停地看表,雖然我答應自己不要這麼做,但我就是無法控制自己。每次我看表時,總會把表貼到耳邊,聆聽它滴答滴答的聲音。聲音還在,還輕輕地切割著每一秒、每一分、每一時。它告訴我還剩下三小時四十六分。查理曾跟我說,這只表永遠不會停,永遠也不會讓我失望,除非我忘了幫它上發條。世界上最好的表,他說,一只棒透了的表,但它並不是。如果這只表真的那麼棒,它做的應該不只有計時的功能!任何老爺表都會計時。一只真正棒透了的表還會牽制時間,讓表暫停,如果表停了,時間也會跟著凍結,今夜就不會結束,而黎明也不會來。查理常說,我們在這里的時間是借來的。我不想再借時間了,我希望時間就此停住,這樣的話明天就不會來,而黎明就不可能出現了。
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麥克·莫波格,生于1943年,在倫敦大學學習英文與法文後,便開始小學的教職生涯,在每天跟孩子說故事的例行活動中,他發掘了自己的另一項才藝--說故事。30歲時出版第一本書。1976的他和妻子克萊兒一起成立慈善事業“城市兒童農場”,目前在英國有三處這樣的地方,它們讓城市的孩子有機會和動植物一起生活,以啟發孩子們對大自然的喜愛,並從中學得如何與自然共處。
他所寫的小說得獎無數,曾經翻拍成電影、電視劇、舞台劇,甚至歌劇,二○○三年更獲得兩年一度的英國“童書桂冠作家”榮譽。
由于他深知曆史傳承的可貴,因此常將現代的元素融入故事情節中,“用一個‘現在’來牽穩讀者的手,帶領他們走入過去。”
然而,莫波格除了在他最喜愛的曆史間穿梭,他還是一位“入世的說書人”,他和妻子克萊兒從一九七六年開始,即著手為都市孩子設立慈善農場(Farms for City Children),他們現在已有三座農場,每年陪伴超過兩百位孩子,在這里一同體驗農場生活,並從動物和大自然中學習包容和寬恕。
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